184 - Naming

It is twenty years ago this month. After the final round of the second type of chemotherapy for my lymphoma, I am sicker than I have ever been. I am in terrible pain from a bout of shingles. My body is emaciated, my mind is foggy with pain killers. The cancer may be in remission, but I am lost.

My mother-in-law, Estelle, is living with us to care for two-year old E.G. and to care for me. One Sunday, she takes a break, disappears. Later, many years later, I find out that she has gone to visit a rabbi. With his help, she has changed my name to cheat the Angel of Death, who seems to be lurking near. She has added her mother’s name to mine, hoping the strength and pluck of her departed mother will now be mine. And I survive.

My friend, Ellen Schecter, has created a naming ritual for people who have experienced illness or other profound changes in their lives. It moves beyond the old superstitions. It recognizes that we need to publicly and privately acknowledge and sanctify situations that affect us profoundly. I am helping Ellen to fine-tune the ceremony.

One Hundred Eighty-Four

Naming

You alone have felt the burden
Of my struggle;
You alone have heard my cries
In the night.

Strip away my sorrow
As I alter my identity,
As I choose a new name
To be known among my people.

Call my new name for blessing,
Call my new name as fortress
Against the depth of my pain,
Call my new name in truth.

Join this name to a changed destiny,
New visions of an altered self
Free to honor You with vigor,
New born in Your sight.