29 - For Strength

Living with illness and disability is more than a challenge. It is an every day struggle. In the gray hours of my days, I find I stop reaching out. It is tiring and troubling to feel this way, to find myself not only limited but defined by all the tasks that make up my life. I am pressured by what I have to do rather than what I choose to do. My day is divided with the necessities: it is time to take medicine, time for a breathing treatment, time for physical therapy, time for a rest from the work of breathing by using a mechanical ventilator.

All these necessities make me cautious. They take up my time and isolate me from other people. I am engulfed in their woe. I need to reread my own words. I need to take a chance again. As the weather warms, so may my soul be warmed. It is time for me to rejoin the world.

Twenty-Nine

For Strength

Out of my yearning
I sang to You;
From the soul of my soul
I gathered sighs to form Your Name.

Opening my being to all I am,
Discarding vexation and worry,
I devised a new self,
Free to honor the Eternal.

From the center of my center,
The shapes begin their dance;
From the heart of my heart,
The tones sound their melody.

Only when I free myself
Can I be free to sing Your praises;
Only when I loose the ties of doubt
Can I wander onto Your canvas.

Fortify my song with strong harmony;
Fill my brush with bright paints.
Remove the reservations from my heart,
That I might bow before You.